Biggest Obstacle
by uzrfrndly
Summary: Nick must cope with the devastating side effects of falling for someone he simply can't have.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh, Nick!" He was on his way home after some follow-up work on an ongoing investigation when Clawhauser got his attention. "Chief wants to see you in his office, uhm… something about that case you're working on."

His sigh put into action what his mouth didn't want to put into words. He was exhausted, and he really didn't want to be in this building anymore. He groaned as he turned around to make his way back from whence he just came.

"You wanted to see me chief?" He was pouring over a messy pile of paperwork on his desk, and without a word he snapped his fingers and pointed down at the chair in front of it.

Nick begrudgingly made his way to it and sat down. "Please would be nice."

He took off his glasses and set them down. "About an hour ago, we apprehended a male lion who claims to know where your suspect is hiding out."

Nick's ears perked up and he leaned forward in his seat. "You think he's good for it?"

"We don't know." Bogo laced his hands together on top of his disheveled pile of paperwork. "He wants a pardon, even if we don't catch him… so it's risky. How confident are you?"

"If he's good for it, we can get him."

Bogo's office chair creaked as he leaned back in it. He unlaced his hands and crossed his arms, considering all the possible outcomes. After a moment of rhythmic creaking to his rocking back and forth he stopped. "Go get Hopps… and come right back here, we'll need to act fast."

"Aw chief," he wasn't pleased. "C'mon… it can't wait till tomorrow?"

"Remind me, Wilde," Bogo offered a bitter scowl. "Which side of this desk am I on?"

Nick scratched his scalp with an annoyed moan. Then without another word he hopped off the chair and sulked out the door. Once he was clear of the lobby he was at full speed to get Judy and wrap up this case…

\- The other side of town-

He jumped the steps two at a time, he tried three and almost fell on his face. So, he stuck with two at a time until he reached Judy's floor. Once her little bunny shaped welcome sign came into view he gradually slowed his pace to a leisurely stroll. He tapped out the tune of "she's a lady" on the door and checked his phone as he waited. After he'd scrolled through everything he hadn't already seen on Facebook, he started to wonder what was taking so long.

He didn't think much about it as he tried the knob. It offered no resistance, so he helped himself in…

"Hey, carrots, we got a hot lead on that runner but we gotta go right now…" he was still looking at his phone as he swung through that door and didn't look up till he heard a small whimper.

What he saw was, for him, impossible to process. There were two bodies on her bed, covered up to their collarbones in sheets, meaning they were naked. That wasn't the biggest issue here, though. The one thing he couldn't process… was that it wasn't a man in there with her…

"Nick, get out!" she'd come out of her state of shock, and she was livid.

Nick stood there in that doorway with no brain function left to respond with. His jaw hung open, and his eyes were just short of falling out of his head.

"Nick!" With her free arm, she pointed aggressively at the door, the other was holding up the sheets. Nick's jaw slowly crept back up, but the pace was far too slow for Judy's liking. Her eyes darted around until she found something solid enough to throw, a plastic snow globe.

Once it was flying towards his head he finally snapped out of it and ducked outside slamming the door shut behind him. He flinched as he heard it bounce off the door and held his breath. After a moment, he heard the door lock behind him…

…

After several minutes, Judy angrily emerged into the hall fully dressed. She quickly turned to lock the door behind her. "We'll talk about this on Monday, for now, let's just-…" but when she turned around the hall was empty. She didn't call out to see if he was there, instead, she unlocked her door and stepped back inside. Before she shut it behind her, she peeked back out into the hall, with a concerned look on her face.

\- Monday morning; ZPD concord-

As she pushed open the door she had a bad feeling. It was quickly reaffirmed as she felt everyone glancing at her as she walked. She went straight up to the front desk, Clawhauser seemed absorbed in a little pink box. "Clawhauser."

"Mmmm?" He swiveled in his office chair, and once he saw who it was he stopped chewing. He looked terrified for some reason. "Oh… heeeey what's-… what's up Judy?"

Judy's bad feeling was starting to fester. She got the feeling that Nick just might be the type to let what he saw slip, unintentionally or not. She was leaning towards unintentionally, she'd like to think he wasn't the type to do it on purpose. "What'd he tell you Clawhauser?"

"…What?"

Clawhauser was an open book. He didn't really have dishonest reactions to things, so when he looked completely confused by her question she could assume he honestly didn't know. "Nothing, don't worry about it. Have you seen Nick today?"

Judy was thrown off again, once she mentioned Nick Clawhauser went back to looking terrified… So, something happened with Nick but it wasn't related to the other night? He gulped and pointed towards the bullpen. She gave him a questioning look, to which he visibly started to sweat. She didn't really have time to brood over this, she had an ass to kick…

Nick wasn't in his typical seat, she had to look around for him a bit. Eventually, she spotted him in the back left corner. As she marched up to him, prepared to really let him have it, she noticed he looked a little off. He didn't even seem to notice her coming and stared at the floor under the desk. He didn't look scared, or mad, or sad, he just looked off.

"Hmm-mm!" She cleared her throat once she was next to him. It took him a moment to look up. "…Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Her muscles braced, preparing to dish out some punishment when he either started laughing or gave her some corny insult. When he responded, she knew immediately that something was very off about Nick, it wasn't just a feeling.

"Yea," he didn't look at her. "I'm sorry, and it'll never happen again."

Her brain screamed "What!?" and all of that righteous fury she'd saved up dissipated into thin air. There was no way this was some kind of diversion tactic. She'd been around him long enough to know when he was acting, and this wasn't it. She could think of only one thing to say to get more information out of him.

"Nick, I'm g-"

"I'm well aware of that carrots. I'm not a bigot so let's just move on with our lives." She wasn't able to get much information, but she saw a little glimpse of emotion behind it, which she hadn't seen all morning out of him.

She watched him with stern conviction. He eventually noticed this, and after a brief sigh, he gave her a comforting grin. It was sincere, and it was all she need to see. She perked back up and hopped into the seat beside him. "So, we're sitting in the back today? What's up with that?"

For a second he looked annoyed, but he didn't say anything about it. He shrugged, "guess I just felt like mixing it up once in awhile."

"Hmm, ok." She didn't lose any of her pep in the face of his stoic and pessimistic vibes. "Her name's Mary by the way."

He smirked and crossed his arms. "Judy and Mary? That's so tacky."

She playfully shoved him and swung her dangling feet as they waited for the morning meeting. It eventually went by without incident, that is until it was time for their assignments.

"Hopps, you're on the smuggler case." Bogo was pacing back and forth behind his podium, tracing down his clipboard of assignments with his finger. "Wilde I'm putting you on something else for today, you've got tundra town swat."

Judy was surprised but didn't panic. "Heh, good luck with that one slick."

"Mmm," he gave a sarcastic hum of a chuckled and hopped out of his seat. As he walked away, Judy couldn't help but think that he looked off again…

\- Two weeks later-

"Hey, Nick!" He was making his way home after clocking out when she caught him on his way out. "You wanna' go get some coffee or something?" She was trying to be pleasant, and she had a big welcoming smile on.

"Naw carrots, I'm good." He didn't even turn to look at her, he just kept walking. "I'll see you on Monday."

It had been two weeks of this. She couldn't get him to talk to her for more than a minute, and he was going out of his way to avoid her whenever he could. She hadn't brought up that incident at her apartment since then because it was him who said "let's just move on with our lives," not her.

She wanted to say that she was just pissed off that he was being such an unbelievable ass, but that wouldn't be true. She was lonely without him. She was happy with her life the way it was before this, and she wanted that back. This new life where everything was on the table seemed like it would be better on paper, but she didn't know Nick would act like this.

She very quickly decided that it was going to change today…

…

"Nick… stop!"

She'd caught him only a few blocks away. He cringed at the shrill noise, knowing that he couldn't casually avoid her in this case. He took a deep breath and turned around.

"What carrots, whaddya' need?" It clearly came off like he didn't want to deal with this, and he wasn't really trying to hide that.

"Don't 'whaddya' need' me you jerk!" She must've been fed up with this. "You're avoiding me… why?"

"I'm not avoiding you."

"You liar!" It looked, to him, like she was deeply offended by a simple lie. "You got a problem with me having a girlfriend Nick?"

"I already told you," he heaved a heavily annoyed sigh. "I don't care if you're gay, that's fine by me."

"Then what is it, Nick? Cuz' obviously it's something!" She crossed her arms and stomped her foot. Her ears went flush against the back of her head, and her next words were said in as serious of a tone as she could possibly muster. "I'm not leaving here… until you tell me what's wrong with you…"

He returned her serious glare. When she didn't falter he had to look away, and when he returned his gaze to her he sighed again. "Fine…"

It looked like she was preparing herself as he took a deep breath. He ran a hand through his scalp to calm his nerves, and once he was ready, he came right out with it.

"I had feelings for you."

Her angry scowl vanished and was replaced with shock and disbelief. Her eyes combed the ground while she tried to digest it, then she looked back up. "…Had?"

"Still do." He felt there was no point in hiding it. Now neither of them had secrets to keep. "You're my perfect mate, and I can't take it back now."

"Perfect-… what!?" She must've had no idea what he was talking about, and he couldn't blame her for it.

"It's a fox thing, primal, savage… I guess." He felt stupid using that word to describe himself in the twentieth century, but as ridiculous as it sounded it was no less true. "Foxes find one mate in their lifetime, and if anything happens to that mate they'll never find another one."

This new information was a hard pill for her to swallow, and she stood there, with nothing to say for several minutes. Nick decided to wrap this up and be on his way, the sooner the better.

"So, I don't have a problem with your sexual preference." He waited until she came out of her distraction, what he had to say next was the most important of all. "I just- … I need time to mourn."

He waited for a second, but she still didn't say anything. She opened her mouth like she was going to, but no words came out. That was his opportunity to make his exit. He walked away and didn't look back.


	2. Chapter 2

How could you possibly imagine what it would be like to live a hundred years knowing your life would be empty as you turned around to look back at it? He'd live a colorblind life in a vivid world of brilliant and beautiful color all around him… and worst of all, he'd seen it once. It was like loving the smell of fresh rain, or the strangely soft light of dawn, then being stricken senseless without time to brace for it. These were Nick's thoughts.

"Nick… talk to me." She'd waited for him at the exit every day since it all started, and today she did the same. "… Please!"

It's been weeks since it was weeks ago. How could she comfort her tormented admirer, and her dearest friend when he wouldn't say a single word to her. She might not have understood the extent of it, but she understood that it hurt.

Shortly after Nick had, in so many words, told her that he loved her as more than a close friend, she'd set a new routine of waiting for him every day. She would finish anything she was working on early and wait every single day for a chance to talk to him. And every day he would walk right past her with nothing for an acknowledgment of her existence.

"Nick please!" She grabbed the hem of his green shirt and tugged as he pushed harder through the door. "Tell me what to do!"

He said nothing and walked until she couldn't hold him back anymore. She was pulled to her knees as his shirttails were wrenched from her grip…

\- Zimmerman MD family practice; Sahara square -

…

It was especially hard to sit alone, on an uncomfortable stool, in a deathly silent white room. She was perfectly healthy, but she had no more resources to turn to for help. The nurse had left the room at least fifteen minutes ago but that's always how it goes at the Dr's office isn't it?

She heard the click, and the door didn't move but an inch for a minute. That's how doctors enter the room. She went over her mental script one more time…

"Judy!" In hobbled an old white fox, she'd been seeing him since she'd come to the city. Of course, she asked for a bunny, but they were inexplicably in short supply in her area. After the night howler case, she had no further need for distrusting or disliking foxes, so she'd grown quite fond and chummy with him.

"Your charts look good Judy." He flipped the pages on his clipboard one at a time. "Blood pressure is normal… weight's good for your size… maybe a little lean for my liking." He chuckled at a joke that Judy didn't find all that funny, probably because it wasn't.

"Dr. Zimmerman, I'm not here for me." She hadn't planned on being sneaky about this. She wasn't sure, but she was confident there were no rules against coming into the doctor's office to ask some general knowledge questions. Worst comes to worst she'll have to pay out of pocket. "I have some questions about foxes."

He looked surprised, but then chuckled and set down his clipboard. "Well, I suppose you've come to the right place then… mind telling me why you're so interested in foxes all of a sudden?"

"It's a really long story that I really don't have time to repeat right now." She clenched her chest and took a deep breath. "I need to know about "perfect mates."

This really took the doctor by surprise, it was likely the last thing he was expecting, "and you're sure you can't tell me why? I'm a little curious."

She responded only with a brief nod, and the doctor moved from his rolling stool to a grounded seat closer to her. After crossing his legs and tugging out some of the wrinkles in his white coat he gave her his full attention. "What do you want to know?"

"What happens to a fox who loses their perfect mate?" She blurted it out, she knew it to be her most important, if not her only question.

"Well, nothing really." He seemed almost amused by the question. "They live healthy lives for the most part."

"For the most part?" She needed to know everything, this is how she planned on getting Nick back.

"It shouldn't have any adverse health effects if that's what you mean?"

"What about mental effects? I heard… hm-mm… that they can never find another mate again. Is that true?" She awkwardly cleared her throat, trying not to give away who all of this was in reference to.

"Well therein lies the real problem for foxes." He leaned forward and fixed his tie for a moment. "The effects of "perfect mate loss" are entirely mental in nature. Foxes ARE capable of finding another mate following the loss of a "perfect" mate… but mentally they'll be compelled to seek out their "perfect mate" at unpredictable intervals. It can be very traumatizing, and most foxes simply live the rest of their lives alone after losing their mates. It's all related to our biology… a genetic sequence that hasn't been bred or evolved out of our DNA."

She couldn't say that she understood Nick, but she was starting to understand why. Simply because she wasn't straight, Nick was cruelly doomed to live his entire life alone… seeing Nick in a romantic light or not… it still broke her heart.

"I'm going to assume that the fox you know that this is in reference to is younger… about your age? … If so, it's best for him or her to start counseling right away."

"What if they just needed time to mourn!?"

"Hm!" With a single sarcastic scoff of a chuckle, he shook his head. "Well, that certainly wouldn't be the case. They can try to "mourn" as long as they want, it's not something they'd be able to put behind them completely. They would need lifelong counseling to live that sort of life after a mate loss."

She hadn't actually done anything… but she'd still somehow managed to nail Nick into a coffin of loneliness he wouldn't be able to escape for the rest of his life?

She was sucked into crushing anguish. He didn't deserve that, no one did, but what could she possibly do? She couldn't change who she was… but she couldn't allow Nick to live the rest of his life alone. He'd done so much for her, he was her closest friend…

\- Thursday evening; ZPD concord -

…

He expected her to be waiting by the exit, just like every other day. He went through rituals of his own, preparing himself mentally to callously ignore someone who gave his life meaning… someone who didn't deserve to be ignored. It served only to compound his misery, that he should have to live his life without love, and shun his only source of friendship at the same time.

He was a little surprised to see that she wasn't there today. He was suspicious, why wasn't she there?

He was cautious as he went through it. Once he was on the other side he had his answer. She was right there… on the top of the flight of steps leading away. "Is she wearing a dress?" he thought.

She was wearing a dress. For as long as he knew her he'd never even once considered that she owned a dress… let alone that he would ever see her wear one. It served to deepen his suspicion. Why now of all times choose to wear a dress? Was it a tactic to get him to talk to her… it might work. He DID still have feelings for her, and he'd never seen her look so… "beautiful" before.

"Come get coffee with me and Mary." That's all she said.

He averted his gaze and redirected his course around her. After a few steps, he saw that she moved right into his way, she was wearing a soft, but serious expression. He could easily ignore her pouty temper tantrums, but he had a feeling it wouldn't work out in his favor this time.

"Why're you doin' this to me fluff?… Was I not humiliated enough?… You wanna' force me to move on immediately? I told you I need time to mourn."

"And that was a lie," she said.

"And what do you suggest then, carrots?" He was getting annoyed. She had no idea what she was talking about. "You think that sitting me down at a table so I can watch you be all mushy with your doting girlfriend is going to make me get over it? Is this like exposure therapy?"

She closed her eyes.

"Nick, I love you too."

An ice cold shockwave erupted on the back of his neck and traveled the length of his spine. It was replaced with burning regret and humiliation. "… You got a lotta' nerve-"

"I can't change who I am." She stood tall with her hands planted firmly on her hips. "I can't help that I like girls Nick… but that absolutely does NOT mean I don't love you."

His storm of rage receded, he didn't know what to think.

"You'll always be my closest friend," her confident and heroic stance vanished, she was admitting to things she hadn't been willing to accept a few months ago, and it made her vulnerable. "I need you, Nick… no matter what else is happening in our lives, I need you… and I will do ANYTHING to get you back… please come have coffee with me."

He'd spent all of his time brooding over how misunderstood he was, and he didn't know anything. He never could've imagined that she could feel that way… he still didn't… he couldn't… because if it was true then he had to agree.

Nick's love wasn't the kind to put her on a shelf to admire until it fades away. His was the kind to want to be a part of her life no matter what context it might be in, or how much he might suffer. Nick was compelled to endure seeing someone else make her happier than he did, just so long as he was also allowed to contribute to that happiness… even if it should pale in comparison, and even if she gave all of the happiness she had to give… to someone else.

"Alright carrots," he put on his bravest front, and played the part of foolish and sarcastic Nick… the Nick that gave her a big stupid grin… and a lying, unfunny insult just to make her feel better… "but you're buying."


	3. Chapter 3

"So I knew this guy who'd get em' for cheap," she prattled on. "And I'd run them across town and sell em' to the foreman for three times as much!

They sat in the patio area. It was relatively slow, given that it was almost sunset, and "Mary" hadn't stopped talking once since they'd got there. Nick propped up his head with his hand and slumped off to the side of his chair, impatiently tapping his ceramic coffee mug with his claw.

"I'd rake in at least a hundred bucks a day. Not too bad." She sat back in her seat and crossed her arms with a self-satisfied grin. "What about you, Nick?"

"Hmm?" His ears pricked, and his eyes lazily found her to his left.

"How much did you make way back when? Judy tells me you used to "play the game" too." She grinned.

Nick lethargically returned to his original position, staring down the road leading away from the cafe. "Two hundred."

"Pfff!" She scoffed. "You wish, I've been doin' this my whole life and even I only make a hundred… good try, though." She reached for her cup, "Judy, hunny, you wanna pass me that cream right there?" She motioned for the little off white jar at the center of the table.

Nick shot her a dirty look while she was distracted. Then he glanced at Judy, who was sitting directly across from him. He raised his eyebrow and nodded towards Mary as if to say "is she serious?" Judy only pursed her lips and finished pouring some cream into Mary's coffee.

"I mean-" she took a sip. "You can't make much more than a hundred selling finishing nails and staples to a dirty foreman." She wiped the coffee off of her lip. "He can buy em' at frickin' Home Depot for that much, then what's the point? Right?" She looked towards Nick again.

"Mmmm… right," he replied.

Mary stretched out in her seat and played with one of her ears for a moment. As she did, he saw her bite her lip with a mischevious grin.

Nick looked towards Judy to see her face was twitching. It took him a moment of wondering what was happening until he ducked under the table, and saw that they were playing "footsies."

He slumped back into his seat with his arms aggressively crossed. He averted his gaze in a huff and heaved a disgruntled sigh.

"What's wrong Nick?" Mary shot him a sidelong glance. "You wanna' play too?"

"Absolutely not…" he glared down the street. "You keep your feet to yourself."

"Meh," she shrugged. "More for me." She returned to jabbing around under the table.

"Alright!" Judy shouted in whispers. "Enough!"

As Judy proceeded to kick her feet away, Mary relaxed back into her seat. None of them said anything for a few minutes. It'd been the longest Mary'd gone without talking since they'd arrived, and it seemed she wasn't a fan of long and awkward silences.

"Anyways," she took another sip from her coffee. Then straightened the saucer as she set it back down. "Good on ya' for gettin' out. They call it a hustle, but not because it's always pretty, don't they?" She nudged Nick with her elbow, to which he finally started enjoying his coffee.

"They sure do," he locked eyes with Judy. "Don't they… sweetheart?"

She gave him a quick, and bitter glare before Mary looked her way. Soon, though, Mary turned back towards Nick with a glare. "Ey slick, just cuz' I'm cool with you havin' the hots for my lady don't mean you can call her "sweetheart."

It tasted like the cream in Nick's coffee had curdled as he was drinking it. His eyes were locked on Judy, he didn't care about Mary's threats, the real problem was Judy…

"You told her?" he growled.

"Yea she told me," Mary leaned forward in her seat to try and obstruct his view of Judy. "It's called open and honest communica-"

"Ah da-da-da-da," he motioned for her to keep her mouth shut as he leaned in towards Judy. "Who else did you tell?"

"N-no one Nick!" She held her hands up. "I swear, it was only Mary… because well, she kind of has to know… doesn't she?" She said with an upward inflection.

"No carrots, she kind of didn't!" he barked.

"Hey, pal!" Mary reached out and snatched Nick's tie. With a threatening glare, she yanked on it to punctuate her statement. "Don't you talk to her like that. It ain't her fault she's gay, and I figured you were man enough to understand that…"

Nick had finally turned his glare away from Judy, only to wield it against Mary. He could hear the fur on his tail bristle against the iron grate chair he'd half risen from, and he didn't care. "Why don't you mind your own business…" he growled.

"Stop it!" Judy had risen from her seat and was pulling on Mary to try and get her back into her chair. "I mean it, sit down!"

Mary ignored her, and instead, narrowed her piercing glare at Nick. "You don't always get what you want crybaby… get- over- it…"

"Fuck this!" He reached into his pocket and slammed a wad of bills onto the table, before storming off down the street he'd been glaring at all evening.

"Nick!" Judy took a few quick steps after him, before turning on Mary. "What is wrong with you!?"

"Hey, don't look at me like that!" Mary threw her arms out in an exasperated shrug. "He was being an ass, so I told him off-"

Judy wasted no time in chasing after Nick. By the time Mary had finished what she was saying Judy was already through the intersection.

Nick was focused and aggressive in the way he walked, even bumping into a bobcat and not even stopping to look over his shoulder. "Hey, man!" He ignored him and stared cracks in the sidewalk as he powered on. Soon enough, Judy had caught up to him, and ran around in front of him to block his path.

"Nick stop!" She held her arms out to keep him from blowing past her. "She didn't really mean any of that, and I'm sorry I told her about how you feel… it was wrong of me to do that…" She looked discouraged.

Nick, on the other hand, was still fuming. "I didn't tell anyone we know about your secret when I found out. You think this is a joke for me, some kind of game or something?"

"No Nick!" She pleaded. "Of course not, I just want you to be ok with this!"

"Ok with it!?" He pressed his temples, and then brought his hands down expressively in front of him to punctuate his follow-up inquiry. "You clearly don't understand fluff, this is serious business for me. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life alone because of… her!" He turned on his heels to motion back towards the cafe.

"Well, you've got a pretty high opinion of yourself then Nick," she planted her hands on her hips. "To think that I would fall right into your arms if I was straight… where does your ego end!?"

He prepared for more rage, but none of it came. Instead, he felt heavy and empty.

"This isn't her fault Nick, it's no one's fault," she brought her hands off of her hips and crossed them over her chest. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself… this city needs both of us. It's bigger than you and me."

He could hear his teeth grinding, and his lip twitching as he clenched his jaw as hard as he could. Then as quickly as his anger came back it was gone again. His whole body relaxed, and there was only a dull sorrow left behind. "… I can't do this anymore."

"What?" She had a look of concern, and regret takes over her expression. Perhaps she was regretting her decision to be tough with him.

"I'm ok with it," he said.

"Oh Nick…" she sighed, holding her hand to her chest as a look of overwhelming relief took over.

"But I can't be your friend anymore." His eyes were only half open in a catatonic state of defeat. He'd finally given up his hope and accepted it.

"N-no…" she faintly stammered. "No Nick! That's not what I meant!"

"It's fine Hopps." He was instinctively looking at the ground as he spoke. "I won't leave the force, the city needs us right?" He gave a half-hearted and forced smile before it disappeared again. "Let's just keep all this professional from here on, ok? It's probably been for the best from the start anyways… don't you think? I mean, we're co-workers."

Her eyes fluttered around, her mouth hung open and her breathing was getting progressively heavier. "No… no Nick!"

"I'll see you at work on Monday Hopps," he placed his hands in his pockets and easily brushed past her. "Let's try to keep the small talk to a minimum… it's better for productivity."


	4. Chapter 4

She watched him until he was blocks away. The foreboding terror she felt seemed uneager to subside as he rounded the block and out of sight. She put herself in his shoes for a moment and imagined what it might be like if Mary couldn't be with her for reasons that were out of her control.

It felt like swallowing a rock, and she held her stomach in pain. She impulsively looked for him again at the end of the street, even knowing that he wouldn't be there. Her eyes and nose twitched for a moment. It felt like her stomach was now pushing a choking sob up through her throat, and she had to clench her jaw and her fists to stop it from happening.

She took a few deep breaths, and to break loose from her miserable distraction she peered back towards the cafe. Mary was still there, it looked like she was just sipping her coffee and waiting for her.

"How can she not care how important this is to me?" she thought and forced her legs to carry her back.

"Is he gone?" Mary didn't so much as look up from her coffee, which was halfway to her mouth. If Judy hadn't known for sure she was talking to her she could've assumed she was talking to herself.

She sat down carelessly, and almost missed the seat completely. She didn't respond to Mary. Instead, she stared blankly at the knots in the wooden patio.

"It's not your fault hun," Mary sighed before finally bringing her cup all the way to her lips. "You know that right?"

She didn't snap out of it. She brought her head and view up to eye level slowly, and shook her head slightly at the same pace. "He doesn't deserve this…"

Mary's eyebrows rose, and she leaned forward resting on her forearms.

"He ain't a baby, Judy." She focused herself on Judy, trying to get her attention. "Yea, it kinda sucks for him, but them's the bricks sweetheart." She reached out and placed a hand on her arm.

Judy shrugged it away and averted her glare in the opposite direction. "It seems like you were trying to get under his skin." She lulled bitterly, "I don't like all this jealousy Mary, I can expect it from Nick… but I thought you would be more mature than that."

With the hand she used to try to comfort, Mary aggressively scooped up her cup of coffee. Her hand was doused in scalding hot coffee. "Tsssss!" she winced and set the cup down. After rubbing it for a moment, she glanced at Judy to see that she was showing little interest. "Oh, don't worry your little head about me, sweetheart, I love-love-love burning myself with coffee!"

Judy rolled her eyes and grabbed the nearest napkin. As she rubbed and dabbed, Mary asked a question that seemed to be burning in her mind. "So… just how important is this guy to you?"

"Well," she kept dabbing. "I wouldn't be here without him, and you probably never would've met me without him… so, pretty important."

Mary must've taken it to heart, and as her brow came down and her gaze shifted left, Judy stopped. She watched Mary scratch the bridge of her nose until she gave her response. "Well, I guess I can't be such a bitch anymore, huh?" She scoffed as Judy started laughing.

"For the record, I tried to be friendly just like you asked honey bunny."

Judy slid her hands around her cheeks and pulled her head forward to place a kiss on the bridge of her nose. "I know, thank you."

-Monday morning; bullpen-

Front row, just like always, she sat with hands laced together on the table. She had to force the grin on her face, but she wanted it to be the first thing Nick saw when he walked through that door.

It was excruciating how long it took him to get there. When he finally did casually stroll through the door, coffee in hand, she primped her ears and gave the biggest and most welcoming smile she could muster.

Then he walked right past her…

She watched, as he made his way to the back row and sat in a seat he'd never taken before. It was a hard punch to the stomach. Before she could muster up her nerve to try and get his attention, the chief entered and the chanting began.

"Alright, alright, settle down we've got plenty to discuss before I hand out assignments…" Bogo scanned the room, as he would always do, even if only briefly. This time, however, it took him a little longer. "Why are you two in different seats?"

Neither of them said anything. She hung her head, filled to the brim with nerves, just waiting for Nick to say something.

"Am I going to have to separate you two for awhile?" His scowl traveled slowly from Nick to Judy. "Until you can focus on your duties… because I can't have you bringing this into the workplace, I think you're well aware that this is a dangerous job that requires your FULL attention."

She looked towards him, but he was looking away. She clenched her fists pressed against the seat beneath her, "we're fine chief… we can focus."  
Bogo looked doubtful but proceeded with the assignments.

Nick left the bullpen first, and Judy had to rush in collecting her things to catch up with him. She reached him just after he'd pushed through the double doors and started descending the steps.

"H-hey… buddy!" she exclaimed, and as she did she laid out what she'd assumed would be a playful punch to the arm.

He groaned with pain as he clasped his ribs. "Oh- cripes!" She hovered around him with her hands out, "are you… ok?" He lifted his head slowly, and she started to panic when she saw the annoyed scowl on his face. "Nick I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to hit you that hard…"

He didn't say anything and brushed off his hip as he started to stroll away. "It's fine Hopps, let's get going."

…

the majority of their shift was spent in terrible silence. It had been an uneventful day, and Nick had spent most of it with his head propped up looking out the passenger side window. She'd thought, more than once, about trying to talk to him, but it would distract them and she couldn't allow that to happen while the were on duty. Eventually, their first and likely only call came in.

'Dispatch to any available units' She reached for the scanner, but Nick snatched it up first. 'Domestic dispute in progress at Broadway and Savanna, please advise.'

"This is car nineteen responding, we're in route."

'Copy.'

He hung up the scanner and pushed up his aviators. Judy couldn't allow his cold focus to get to her, without another word, she pressed down on the pedal…

…

As soon as they arrived on the scene, she could see a wolf couple heatedly arguing on the sidewalk just outside one of the biggest housing complexes in Sahara Square. She went into work mode, and expected she'd need to take control of the situation, it seemed that she was in for a surprise.

Nick hopped out before the squad car had even come to a stop and calmly, but quickly made his way over to the fight.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about Travis!"

"Shut your whore mouth! I talked to Samantha, she showed me your texts!"

Judy hung back and observed as Nick took command of the argument.  
"I'm officer Wilde. Sir, I need you to come with me." He kept a hand on his taser, and another extended out in front of him.

"What!?" The male swung around with an aggravated shrug, "I'm under arrest or something? I didn't do anything!"

"You aren't under arrest, but I'll detain you if I have to." He glared over his aviators. "Now come on." He took the male by the arm and escorted him back to their squad car, "just sit tight for a minute," and closed the backseat door behind him.

As Nick made his way back over to his wife, Judy watched in awe. She'd never seen him take charge like this before. He wasn't a bad cop, but he wasn't one to take the lead. She drug her hand across the hood of the squad car as she circled around it to keep an eye on him. What she saw next made her heart sink.

There was a little boy crouched on the first step of the stoop leading into the complex. Even from this far away she could hear his whimpers, and see his wrists wiping up tears. She impulsively took a few steps towards the complex, and then glanced back at Nick.

"Officer, he hit me!" The wife pointed accusingly at the squad car, then lifted up her chin. "You see- You see that bruise right there!?" She shouted, pointing it out to him.

"I'll get your statement in a minute ma'am," he placed a gentle hand on her arm and guided her a few feet away. "For now, why don't you have a seat on the curb for me?"

"I want him gone officer, I want him out'a my house!" She bellowed. It looked like it was an afterthought for Nick. Judy watched him walk right up to the boy and crouch down in front of him.

She couldn't quite make out what he was saying, he was speaking too softly. She took a couple more steps forward and then stopped. She saw him reach into one of the pouches on his belt, "what is he-?" her thought was interrupted.

She was surprised to see what he pulled out of it, a starburst candy. "Does he just carry around candy? I've never seen him eat one… is it just for kids?" she pondered.

She watched him give the little boy the candy and then ruffle his ears around. They kept talking, and as she tried as hard as she could to hear what Nick was saying she heard the husband start shouting from the back seat of their squad car.

"This is gonna' get out of hand if she hears him, I'd better-" she started heading towards Nick, but then stopped again. He finally rose from his position and scooted the little boy along to his mother, still planted on the sidewalk. She caulked her head to the side in confusion as Nick just stood there and watched. Soon enough the little boy embraced his mother, and she could see them both start to cry.

Nick was headed back to the squad car. "Nick, what's going on? Do you need my-" he didn't say anything to her and opened up the backseat.

"Come on pal," he escorted the husband out of the back seat and pointed him towards his family. "I think your son has something to say to you."

She watched Nick cross his arms. He watched as the enraged wolf huffed his way over to the curb. "Nick, we should probably go with him, what if something-" he shushed her, to which she wasn't very pleased. She was getting ready to give Nick an earful when she heard a cry ring out from the direction of the complex.

When she turned to look, "oh…" she cooed and brought a hand to her chest. They were all balled up on the curb, it seemed that just like that they'd reconciled, she could only imagine that it was for the sake of their son. "Nick… is she… pressing charges?"

When she looked up, Nick was wearing a big grin. "Nope."

She watched him for longer than she intended to. His smile was warm and comforting, and the longer she watched it the more at ease she felt. She'd always respected him, but couldn't say that she'd ever admired him before today.

When his smile suddenly spread, and he looked at her for the first time that day, her heart jumped into her throat. "Come on Hopps, I think it's about quitting time anyways," he sighed, and starting making his way towards the driver side of the car.

"Oh, can you toss me the keys?"

She was still in a daze, but when she realized what he was doing she collected herself quick. "You need a license to drive Nick, we've talked about this." She crossed her arms.

"Oh didn't I tell you carrots?" He smirked, and smugly pulled out his wallet and flipped it open revealing a new license. "I'm official now." She skipped over to him and snatched his wallet away, "Hey!"

"Pfff!" She clasped her hand over her mouth before losing it, laughing hysterically. "You're always so photogenic Nick!" She looked like she might suffocate on her whooping howls. "What the HELL happened here!?"

"Well excuse the hell out of me for having an off day fluff!" He snarled as he snatched it back. Her laughter slowly subsided while he stood sternly waiting for her to stop, and as she did her expression shifted.

"So… are we uhm-" she pushed an ear out of her face, still bent forward. "Are we… talking again?"

"…" It took him a moment. "Toss me the keys Hopps."


	5. Chapter 5

During the drive back to the precinct it was quiet. When they arrived, everything took a very sour turn for both of them…

Without a word he stepped out of the squad car, eyes half open and wits half working. He tapped the car ram on his way past it and around to the passenger side door. She was still inside, and he paid no mind to the look on her face as he opened the door for her. He took her hand and helped her out. Then he cradled her cheek in his hand and gently nuzzled the other with his snout, his eyes closed.

"What… the hell was that?" She stammered.

Snap back to reality for Nick, rooted to the ground and as stiff as the tree attached to them. His eyes were hardly held in his head by his rapidly retreating eyelids.

"… Nick? What the hell was that all about?" She repeated.

He shuttered, then jolted straight up and swiftly walked away, his head pointed firmly at the pavement. "It'll never happen again, so just let it go."

"Hey! Stop right there Nicholas Wilde!" She barked like a scolding mother. He stopped dead in his tracks with all the fur on his body standing on end. "Not five minutes ago you wouldn't look at me straight, and now you're… helping me out of cars and-… you pretty much just kissed me so I think you owe me a friggin explanation slick!"

"Will you just say "fuck" please!?" He pivoted around quick, a swap between horribly embarrassed and completely enraged happened in an instant. Try as he might, even as he was yelling, to figure out why he simply couldn't. "I'm sick and tired of this "little-miss-can't-cuss-or-momma-gonna-tan-my-hide crap! "Friggin'" isn't a fuckin' word Judy!"

"You-…you-…" she was trembling, out of hurt or fury, he couldn't tell. "You plant your nasty lips on me and then you turn around and-"

"I didn't plant my lips anywhere!" his embarrassment was starting to resurface. He rubbed his snout and showed her his hand. "It was my nose and it's perfectly clean… see?"

A lot of the fury in her expression disappeared, and the hurt had it's chance to shine through. He could see her lip starting to tremble along with the rest of her. He panicked, and started pleading.

"I haven't been sleeping very well… I'm out of it…" he paused, tripping on his words. Until he heard a sniff and watched her head bob only slightly. "Look I-… that's how my mom used to get me out of the car…"

Her head came up quick, still wavering and brimmed with tears. It got silent for a moment and the worry was written all over her.

"Can we just go home for today? … Please?"

She didn't say anything for a minute, soaking up the tears. With a couple more big sniffs she nodded, and they proceeded into the building.

They didn't say another word to each other after clocking out, even when they bumped shoulders in the concord. The day had utterly defeated them both.

…

\- Nick's apartment-

The bed cried out with a horrible creak. He threw all of his weight straight down as he sat on its edge, and buried his head in his hands.

He stayed like that as he took in the longest, and possibly deepest breath he'd ever taken. When he exhaled it, it actually felt like it was taking too long. When it was finally over he looked at the digital clock on his nightstand…. eight thirty-one pm.

"Isn't it a little early to be trying to sleep Nick?" he asked himself sarcastically. "Yea Nick, but how likely do you think it is that you'll get a good night's sleep?" he chuckled in response.

His entertaining demeanor was nothing more than a front, and as soon as his mind settled down for the night it was all gone. Alone again, just like always…

…

'Nick, since you're my best friend I want you to be the godfather of our children' she said, vested from head to toe in white. 'You understand? Don't you?'  
"No… I don't understand."  
'Listen, Nick, you're the best. I really meant it when I said that I love you and I know you know that… don't you?'  
"…" Wake me up.  
'Do you… want me to leave her?'  
"What?"  
'I'd do that for you, Nick.'  
"That would be great… if this wasn't the same dream I had last night…"

…

With that, his eyes wrenched open. He rolled only enough to reach around behind him.

"Judy… hey… where are you?" After a moment of looking for her he got worried and rolled the rest of the way onto his other side, and for a very brief second, he started to panic…

Then he remembered.

She'd only been to his apartment twice, and never once since he'd known her had she ever been in his bed, or any bed with him for that matter…

…

He laid there only blinking. He was totally dry, but his bedding was soaked through. Just like last night, and the night before. When he peeled away from his pillow he could see the stain even in the dark.

The clock said three forty-three am. It was strange how he felt somehow relieved that he'd made it an hour longer than the night before.

His phone rang softly even in the relative quiet of the night. He was calling her, why? He had no idea. His impulsive thoughts told him that hearing her voice would ease the stress somehow, although, even if he did reach her there was very little chance that it would.

'Hello?'

"It's Nick," he sighed. "I need to talk to you for a minute."

'…' it was quiet for a moment. 'What're you doin' callin' my lady in the middle of the night fox?'

"Can't sleep, put her on." he bitterly exhaled, he wasn't angry or surprised, he was only wishing he didn't have to go through her to get to Judy… at least not right now.

'Why the hell should I? Why don't I put you in the dirt dude? That's the real question.' Her shallow threat was followed by rustling and arguing. He was able to hear Judy groaning and fussing and kept his fingers crossed mentally that she'd be able to get the phone away from Mary.

'Nick?' She sounded out of breath. 'What's going on… it's really late.'

"You know a doctor, don't you? Someone you asked about me?"

'…' he waited patiently. 'I um- … yeah, why?'

"Is there any way I can see him… soon?"

'You… want to go to my doctor?' She sounded confused. 'For-… are you like-… are you having symptoms?' she stammered.

"No Hopps," she couldn't see his annoyed scowl. "I just felt like calling you in the middle of the night to get death threats from your lovely life partner," he replied, sarcastically.

'Ok Nick, I'll-' he could hear rustling, and he thought he heard her tell Mary to stop. 'I'll call him in the morning.'

"Just give me the number please…"

After some coercing, he was able to get the doctor's phone number. When he hung up she said goodbye, but he said nothing. He didn't sleep any more that night.

…

-Zimmerman MD, Sahara Square-

When he'd called Judy it was a Friday night.

"This room just sucks," he thought. It was Sunday, and he sat in the very same chair Judy had sat in during her last visit. He'd been sitting there for twenty minutes and he'd already seen everything on his news and social media.

So, for the last fifteen minutes, he'd been picking at a loose thread on his pants, contemplating his dismal future, and trying to pour meditative breaths onto the nuclear reactor that was his nerves.

"Yes, yes, I know Mrs. Longville…" the door clicked open a crack and stayed that way. He could hear an old mammal just outside and quickly uncrossed his legs and straightened out his tie.

"Soooo," in hobbled an old white fox, groaning as he wheeled over his stool. "You must beeee…" he flipped a few pages in his chart. "Nick?"

"Yea, that's me."

"If my memory serves me," he chuckled "which it very rarely does these days… you're the fox Miss Hopps was talking about?" He inquired.

"Yea," he replied. "But what exactly did she tell you about me?" He sounded nervous, he assumed Judy had'to've spoken to some kind of doctor, or at least another fox to know that he was lying about "needing time to mourn," and now that he was here with that very some doctor he was hoping she hadn't told him it was her he'd imprinted on.

"Well, not much." he sighed, flipping through the chart some more. When he folded it back up and set it on his lap a sympathetic look came over him. "Let me be the first fellow fox to tell you that… I'm sorry son."

It might've been his expression or the fact that he might be the only mammal he'd ever spoken to who could understand the extent of what he was going through, and it hit him where it hurt. "Hmm-mm, thanks." He cleared his throat to distract himself.

The old fox smiled and nodded.

"So," he rolled his stool over to the nearest counter and set his charts for Nick down, before returning. "Why don't you run me through what your symptoms have been Nick. From the fatigued look about you, I'm assuming you're having night terrors."

"Yea." Nick's responses were short.

"Anything else?" The doctor inquired.

Nick took a moment to think. His head fell slowly to look at the gray patterns in the white marble-esque tile beneath him. "The other day I-"

"You did something you don't recall wanting to do?"

Nick's head pricked up with surprise, although, he should've known that a doctor who's also a fox would have a fairly good grasp on what he might expect from this. "Yea, well… sort of."

"Tell me about it." The doctor pulled a notepad out of his lab coat pocket, and a pen from the pocket in his button up shirt. "I need to know exactly what you're experiencing Nick." He clicked his pen three times.

Nick leaned forward, resting his forearms in his lap to prop up his shoulders.  
"I like-… "space out," and I do things… things I would probably do if she was actually-… well if she actually returned my feelings. If that makes sense?"

"Walk me through something specific that happened," he didn't look up from his notepad, and Nick was momentarily bothered by his seeming lack of empathy.

"On Friday-"

"This last Friday?" The doctor interrupted.

"Yea, this Friday," Nick looked up to meet his gaze. "I spaced out after a patrol and-… I "helped her" he used air quotes "out of the car and then-… I kissed her… on the cheek, and when I did it I was thinking about how my mom used to do that."

The doctor watched Nick speak, as quiet concern worked it's way through the wrinkles in his face.

"It was strange because I don't remember thinking anything at all until she asked me what the hell I was doing…" Nick ran a hand through his scalp and sighed. "And just this morning I uh-… I had another night terror and-… when I woke up I was trying to find her in the bed with me. Thing is, she's never been in the same bed with me." Nick gave a fragile smile, trying to seem amused by how absurd it was. It vanished immediately when he saw that the doctor was wiping a tear away.

"Hoh-hmm," the doctor cleared his throat with a deep booming rasp and stood up. He made his way over to a nearby hanging cabinet and opened it. "Nick I'm going to prescribe you some Trazodone for sleep, and I want you to ween your way onto these…" he returned to Nick with two sample packs of pills.

He'd heard of Trazodone, but the other wasn't familiar. "… Seroquel?"

"It's an anti-psychotic medication, it also helps with sleep." The doctor replied.

"Anti… psychotic?" Nick looked understandably concerned. "I'm not-… I'm not crazy… right? I mean meet me half-way here."

"You're absolutely NOT disturbed Nick." He walked back over to the counter and scooped up Nick's charts before stopping with his hand on the knob. "That anti-psychotic will help re-balance the chemical levels in your brain. It's used for everything from psychotic episodes to compulsive gambling habits." He smiled, "you aren't crazy."

Nick examined the back of the package looking for where it said that but before he could find it he heard the door open and looked up to meet the doctor's gaze one more time.

"I'm also setting you up an appointment with a college of mine, an excellent therapist… she'll help you with all of your emotional issues. My receptionist Angela will give you the details. Oh, and your cholesterol is a little high. Whenever you have the time call my office and make another appointment, I'll be looking forward to it." He winked, and without another word he left.

When he was told what that second medication was, it got right underneath his skull. Zimmerman had explained that it was for a lot of different uses, but that word… "psychotic." He only asked himself once why it bothered him so much. And his honest self gave him an answer… "maybe you are crazy?"


	6. Chapter 6

"I want to try a new exercise, Nick," she sat back leisurely with her legs crossed, tapping her bottom lip with her pen. "I want you to describe how you're feeling using only colors."

Nick was casually draped out on the love seat adjacent to her. His head was propped up on the armrest and his arms rested on his stomach. He'd been staring at the ceiling for the entirety of his recent therapy sessions showing very little interest, and this one was no different.

"Oh I know this one," he mustered up his phoniest enthusiasm. "Things an eighth-grade girl would say?" Without even looking at her he let an arrogant grin spread across his face.

"Mmm... that's funny." She returned his sarcastic zeal and mocked him with a grin of her own. "How'd you sleep last night Nick?"

His grin faded for a moment, and then it was gone completely.

"If you won't be honest with me I can't help you," she said.

Nick spent a moment trying to come to terms with the fact that he'd just been out-smugged by his new therapist. She didn't say anything, out of his peripheral vision he could see her patiently watching him, and taking notes.

He pulled a blue lollipop out of his pocket and unwrapped it, "yellow."

He continued to watch her out of the corner of his eye as he tumbled it around between his teeth. She was having trouble understanding why he chose that color, it was written all over her face.

After she'd taken a paragraph or two of notes she made her confusion known.

"I'm um... I'm having a little trouble understanding your color choice Nick." It sounded like she was trying to play it off with smart psychiatry terminology. "Typically," -she paused to go over her notes- "You would associate yellow with erratic or manic behaviors."

He finally turned his gaze towards her for a moment.

"Why do they make school buses yellow, Becky?" He asked in all seriousness.  
She was seemingly baffled by his question.

"Well," she reflected on the question for a moment. "That would be because they're easier to see at dusk," she replied.

With a slight slurp, Nick took out his lollipop and twirled it between his index finger and his thumb. He watched the reflection from the ceiling fan on its glassy surface and contemplated his future. "And because... no one can ignore the color yellow," he was almost unaware that he was speaking out loud.

"And what does yellow represent, Nick?" She'd folded her hands together in her lap, her legs crossed. To Nick, it looked like she was trying really hard to look regal or at least professional. "What is it that you can't ignore?"

"Tch-" with a dull scoff he placed his lollipop back in his mouth and folded his other arm back behind his head again. He didn't reply, instead, he went back to staring at the rotating shadows cast by the ceiling fan.

"Alright," she looked somewhat annoyed. "Let's apply that exercise to the girl."

"Judy." He passively interrupted.

"Right," her pen made a bitter snap. "Judy... what color would best describe how you feel about her?" He heard a sour tone in her voice, and he could tell that he was getting on her nerves.

He said, "...red."

"Red?" She looked intrigued. "So, you're angry with her? ... Because she's unavailable?"

"No," he sighed. "Like moonlight."

Her face scrunched in repulsed disbelief. She set her pen down on the folder in her lap with forced tranquility, and slowly brought her hands to her temples. "Nick..." she groaned, "Please take this seriously... all of your responses are-"

"-crazy?" He cut her short.

"You aren't crazy Nick," she continued to rub her temples. "I've told you... Dr. Zimmerman told you... you need to get that idea out of your head."

After she'd finished massaging her head she picked her pen back up with revitalized determination. "Moonlight isn't red Nick, we all know that."

"It is, actually." Nick exhaled as he swished his tail around the carpet beneath him. "Mom told me when I was little... she was a painter."

It was quiet, and she watched him without interruption.

"Technically it's neutral... but our eyes play tricks on us in dim lighting. It's just the white light of the sun reflecting off of the gray surface of the moon. There's nothing in that transaction that would make blue light."

As he began to reflect on the past, a genuine smile crept in. It was subtle, but not restrained and it made him seem like a completely different mammal. "Y'know," -he snickered a little and removed his lollipop again-, "She said something like: scientists said that it's actually a little bit red Nicky... someday you'll win an argument thanks to me..."

When he paused and exhaled a few times it seemed labored like he was out of breath and each time he did his smile creased his cheeks a little harder. "Save it for your..." he trailed off.

"Future wife?" She nudged.

His breathing wound down, and with every exhale she could watch the opposite effect on his mood. His smile came back down little by little, his eyes drooped. The only part of his expression that came up were the tips of his eyebrows which helped tell the story of his pain.

"Don't you have a sympathetic bone in your body?" He bled.

She clicked her pen mercilessly and started furiously jotting down notes. To the sound of her rhythmic scratching, he sunk back into his seat. She punctuated the period at the end of her sentence with a hard tap. "I want to separate you from that girl Nick."

He was slow to respond, still languishing in his afterthoughts of his mother. Slowly he turned his head towards her still wearing the same pained visage. "...What?"

"To be more accurate," she dropped her pen in her binder and folded it up. "I've already had a talk with your supervisor and we both decided it would be best to separate you for the time being."

His gaze headed south and his head went left to its original position. It was too much for him to process right now, but he knew he had to snap out of it, and fast.

"Please understand that I'm only suggesting this because it's in your best interest." She explained.

"Wait, wait, wait-" Nick recovered from his momentary lapse of senses to realize what was happening. "I really need Judy right now... I really don't think that's a good idea."

She gave him a serious glare, "I can't make you do anything Nick." She stood up and collected a few items from her desk. "But your problems are not going to get better if you continue to see her... keep that in mind." With her binder folded under her arm, she ushered Nick towards the door.

"Wait a second!" he barked and repelled her advances towards the door. "You can't just make this kind of decision on your own. I think you, at the very least, owe me some kind of explanation for why you want this."

Foregoing her hasty eviction of Nick, she crossed her arms and knuckled down to offer him a dose of cold reality. "You really want to know, Nick?"

He couldn't stop himself from a quick gulp in the face of such a serious expression. He had second thoughts for a second, wondering if he actually did want to know...

"The longer you stay in close contact with her, the worse it will get Nick," she looked deep into his eyes. "You'll need more and more medication to keep your symptoms in check..." she averted her gaze with a pained expression. "You aren't my first mate loss case Nick... there may even come a time where you won't be able to up the dose anymore, or it could stop working all together..."

She sighed and rubbed her arm, and after she'd gathered her composure once more she proceeded in ushering him out.

"So," he braced against the doorframe to stop her from pushing him out. "Just so we're clear, this is my decision... right?"

"Yes Nick," she twisted her wrist to check the time on her expensive looking watch. "But I strongly advise that you take my advice and make the right decision... now if you don't mind I have another client coming in."

... and a gentle click later.

Nick's thoughts were a freeway pile-up of "what if's?" and "how could I possibly's?"

...

\- ZTD bus; 98 route towards Savanna Central -

'Dr. Rebecca Lynn-Hult.' his thoughts were momentarily sidetracked. The roar of fussing children, clanking and banging metal, and chastising adults went unnoticed.  
They shared a great deal in common.

Same species, though, her fur was a bit darker. She was thirty-eight to his thirty-six in age. He didn't know much of her personality, given the short six weeks he'd been seeing her on the recommendation of Judy's physician.

He almost asked himself why he was even thinking about her knowing his situation with Judy, but he already knew the answer to that and it was just that... he knew his situation with Judy now, and he would love to forget.

The look she'd given him had rattled him to the bones. 'I'm not her first mate loss case...' he thought. She looked like, well, like something very bad had happened to her last mate loss case.

...

As the bus hissed out its brakes and sank closer to the sidewalk below, Nick held onto the railing. His pining took another turn. It seemed his casual curiosity in his new therapist couldn't keep his thoughts from Judy forever.

"So," he mumbled out loud as he stepped off the bus. "It's like... I'm Icarus, and she's the sun."  
A young beaver couple watched him with concerned interest and tried to warn him as he veered towards the bus-stop bench. "Or is she the wings?" he muttered.

A hollow metal thud rang out as he jammed his foot right into the bench "Sssss... ow- ow- ow- you mother!-" doubled over clenching his foot, he hissed and howled.

"Are you alright mister?" The female beaver had come up on his left and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You uh... you gotta' watch where you're headed, dude." Her partner chuckled to himself and hung back. "The obstacle is the path I guess," he sighed with a shrug to accompany it.

He gave them a bitter thumbs up, making sure to turn his scowl away so they couldn't see it. After watching them round the nearest street corner he stood up carefully. He pat his foot on the sidewalk a few times in an attempt to "walk off" the pain and then he was on his way.

Almost immediately he was pulled back into his head...

"What am I going to say?" he murmured. In his thoughts, he was weighing his two options with few results. On the left, he had leaving. If he was to leave he could manage his messed up head? ... It wouldn't be that simple, no matter what it would still hurt.

On the right, he had staying.

To hell with all of this medical nonsense, she's his best friend right? What would he even say to her? There would be no turning back if he left and he had her to think about. He'd be throwing her away to save himself... and he just wasn't that kind of guy.

"..." A quick look around while his brain came up for air revealed he hadn't walked home as he'd intended. "... What the hell?"

\- ZPD concord; evening -

"..."

A bead of sweat rolled off his cheek as he gazed around the dimly lit, and empty concord. He wondered how he'd got here, and more importantly, what compelled him to come here. Cautiously, he took a few steps inside.

The empty thumping of his footsteps echoed off the vaulted ceiling. If anyone was here they would notice him, but he highly doubted that there was. He shoved his hands in his pockets and proceeded farther in. He even took a moment to wonder why he was going farther in even after realizing he'd come here by mistake.  
Soon enough the tick of the wall clock behind the reception desk mixed with his giant reverberating footsteps, those things aside, it was peacefully quiet.

"Alright Nick... here we are," he spoke sarcastically. He was toying with his own notions that he might be legitimately crazy at this point. "Where to next buddy?"

His head whipped around to stare down the hall leading to the bullpen and Bogo's office. He'd heard something down there, something that shouldn't be a sound outside of the day shift. The only squads on duty overnight come from the nocturnal district to cover the surface while the day crew sleeps, none of them should be in headquarters for any reason.

It was time for the sneaky fox to do what he does best... sneak.

He crept towards the bullpen and ran his hand gently across the wall to maintain his balance. As he drew nearer to it, he could tell that the noise was coming from farther in. He still peeked into the bullpen, just to be safe, but there was nothing there.

He stopped outside of Bogo's office when the noise stopped for a moment. He held his breath and waited. As he bided his time he realized that if there was, in fact, a crime in process he'd be caught completely unprepared. He had none of his police equipment, not even a radio for backup.

The longer he waited for the noise to begin again the more he realized it may have been a poor choice to pursue it. And just before he'd decided to make a run for the exit and find the nearest police callbox the noise started up again...

*chink- chink- scuff-*

He reached for the knob as delicately as he could and turned it far more gingerly even than that. It made no noise. 'To be honest I feel like Flash right now.'

When it was open enough for him to peer inside, what he saw gave him an immediate mixture of annoyance and relief. It was Judy. She was huddled up on the floor doing god knows what with her hands, and scaring the living crap out of him while she was at it.

"Grrrrrr..." he heard her groan and watched her fuss with whatever was in her lap. Then she quickly peeked around to make sure no one was watching her. Somehow she completely missed Nick standing in the doorway. "... Shit!" she seethed under her breath.

He had to fight the joyous snort trying to vibrate its way up to his lips. The only thing that got him through it was his new plan for her.

Slowly, he reached for the light, then flicked it on and let out a shrill and accusing high-pitched gasp. She whipped around with a bug-eyed stare like a deer in the headlights.

"Judith! ... cursing!?" his shocked act quickly disappeared and was replaced with a highly entertained sneer. "Oh, I am SO telling on you..."

She exhaled with intense relief and slumped up against Bogo's desk.

"What the hell are you doing in here fluff?" he asked. After examining the contents of her lap he had his answer. "Ooo," he jeered. "That's Bogo's favorite cup... bad bunny." he taunted.

She glared him down for a minute with a suspiciously cocked eyebrow. When she could find nothing out of place about him she leaned back and sighed, a comforted smile on her face. "So that's it huh?... just like that?"

He didn't say anything, but he returned her smile and shrugged. She shook her head and scoffed.

"... What?" he prodded.

"Nothing," she exhaled. "Just starting to realize that it's 'hot and cold' with you sometimes Nick... I'm starting to think Katty Perry wrote that song about you."

"... Maybe." He put one hand in his pocket and examined his claws on the other.

"Oh, you're so brooding and mysterious Nick." she taunted.

"You forgot irresistibly handsome."

"Just like that" was right. He did it on purpose. His mind was made up, and he knew what he was going to do. For now, he was going to enjoy her, the way he used to. He would enjoy the way it used to be... and come what may after that.

Unbeknownst to him at the time, he will leave in eight days.


End file.
